The Book
by An Angel in Darkness
Summary: Adam can't take the pain any longer. So he writes about it... "Loving someone that you know will never love you back is hard. The haunting fact that in a few days, you’ll have to leave that person forever just…hurts."
1. The Book

The Book-A Kradam FanFic

Inspired by my very own broken heart_._

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_The Book_

_By Adam Lambert_

_Chapter 1_

"_It was all too much. The lights, the cameras, the press, the fans… All too much to handle when you're in pain. Having the pressure of an American Idol Live Tour is hard enough. Trust me. But what's worse is having to live with that pressure and the pain. The worst kind of pain there is. A broken heart. The worst one I've felt in a long while. And being me, the way that I am, my heart gets broken a lot. I don't think that my fans would agree, but it's true. As much as it sucks, it's all true… I'm in love. With a person that will never love me back. Kris Allen."_

Adam put down the pen. His hand started to cramp up again…

"_Man,"_ he thought. _"Writing a book is hard work."_

He had a lot on his mind. Adam wasn't only trying to write a book, he was having a war with himself about if he would ever release it. All of his secrets. All of his feelings. For the world to see. For the world to know. For nobody to understand. Of course, word would quickly spread to Kris about 'the book' and there would be some serious…talking to do…

"_Loving someone that you know will never love you back is hard. The haunting fact that in a few days, you'll have to leave that person forever just…hurts. It eats away as the amount of time you have gets shorter and shorter. And in some cases, it won't go away. The heartache gets worse and worse until there is not a doubt in your mind… you can't go on without that person. But never, ever will the other person even think of missing you. You'll be lucky if the person even thinks about you at all. You're just left alone with the pain, misery, and depression. And it all just plain sucks. It really does…Kind of blunt? Well, it's true. LOVE SUCKS!"_

Adam gripped the pen a bit tighter. He was on the verge of tears. It was all true.

"_Love does suck, doesn't it?"_ he thought.

Adam's grip intensified as the pen burst. Ink oozed all over his hand. He closed his eyes and swore. All of a sudden, his cell phone rang. It was a text from Danny.

"COM 2 OTHR BUS." It read. "WE HAV PIZZA!"

He decided to go. Sitting around dreading the end of the tour wasn't a good way to end it with a grand finale… Adam counted to ten to calm himself.

"_What am I doing?"_ he thought. _"Screw this damn book!"_

With that, he crumbled up the paper he was writing on and shoved it in his pocket. Adam headed over to the other bus. Hey, maybe Kris might be there, right?


	2. Pizza Party, part 1

"Hey Adam," Danny said, his mouth full of pizza.

"ANOOP!" Megan screamed.

It turned out that Anoop had stolen Megan's diary, and was reading, out loud, about her crush on Matt. Matt was sitting on the couch. He was silent, but his face was as red as Allison's hair.

"GIVE IT BACK!"

Megan kept yelling. Adam could just imagine Kris's face if he ever found "the book". Anoop read another one of Megan's secrets.

"I just ADORE Matt's new hairstyle," he read in his Megan voice. "It looks GREAT with his white hat he wore at the finale!"

Megan lunged for the diary, but she ended up in Matt's lap. Then she turned_ redder _than Allison's hair.

"This never happened, okay?" she told Matt. "I hate you, okay?"

Matt nodded. "Agreed." He said. "For now..."

They both smiled.

Kris finally recognized Adam's presence in the doorway. He pointed to the pizza boxes.

"Want some?" he asked. Adam took a seat next to Kris, and they started talking.

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After the Matt and Megan incident, things calmed down a little bit. When I say a little bit, I mean a _little_ bit…

Everyone grabbed a slice of pizza, excluding Danny, who had two more than that… When he reached for his fifth slice, Kris had something to say about it.

"Dude, isn't that, like, your fifth slice?"

Danny had something to say right back.

"Only my fourth! Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not really. It's just that you'd better get acquainted with a treadmill or all of that pizza's gonna catch up with you."

Danny had a look on his face that said 'I guess you're right...' but what came out of his mouth said otherwise.

"How would _you _know, Kris? You make twigs look fat!"

Kris smiled.

"Trust me, Danny, I just know…"

"Danny's right! You can't even finish one slice of pizza!" Anoop said, pointed to Kris's half-eaten slice.

"It's barely nibbled at!" Matt added.

Everyone laughed.

Adam felt the need to speak. He was just sitting there next to Kris, and the newfound silence that fell after the laughing stopped was starting to get awkward.

"So, Kris. How do you 'just know'? Does Katy eat a lot or something?"

It hurt Adam to bring up Katy, but it was a way to continue the conversation.

Kris thought for a second. Then he shook his head.

"Actually, Katy doesn't eat all that much."

Megan chuckled.

"That's because she's a VAMPIRE!"

Everyone stared at Megan.

"You've been reading 'Twilight' again, haven't you…?" Kris said.

"I prefer 'True Blood'…" Anoop argued.

"I heard 'Vampire Diaries was good, too." Matt added in.

Now it was Megan's turn to stare.

"And you guys think _I _have problems…"


	3. Pizza Party, part 2

Things were pretty uneventful for a while after that. Matt and Megan slipped each other smiles, and Kris and Anoop had an argument about who was the best on America's Got Talent. Kris liked the Texas Tenors, but Anoop felt that Drew Stevyns had more talent. Adam fake smiled, laughed, and went along with the America's Got Talent argument, saying that Recycled Percussion was his favorite.

Eventually, Megan pulled out a bag of Goldfish, and then things got interesting…

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"Hey, Megan," Matt said.

"Throw me a Goldfish. I wanna see if I can catch it in my mouth!"

Anoop laughed.

"I bet you five bucks that you can't!"

Matt took the bet.

"You're on!"

Adam smiled. He knew a way to look alive and earn ten bucks.

"I bet you BOTH that no matter what, Matt will whine and cry like a baby."

Kris laughed.

"Nice! I side with Adam, but I'm broke!"

Megan thought for a second.

"I think I side with Adam, too…"

Matt looked like a little abused puppy.

"But Megan…"

Megan smiled.

"Apparently, you can't take a joke! Okay, are you ready?"

Megan threw the Goldfish. Matt lunged for it, and it landed perfectly in his mouth.

"PONED!!!"

Apparently, Matt was excited. He turned to Anoop.

"Pay up." He said.

Anoop reached in his pocket, and he pulled out a five-dollar bill. He hesitantly handed it over to Matt.

"You suck…" Anoop said.

Now it was Adam's turn. He actually didn't have five dollars on him…

"Lemme go get that for you…" Adam said. He was going to run to the other bus, and get Matt's money.

Adam stood up. He had some loose change, and his pockets jingled.

"LIAR!" Matt yelled. He lunged for Adam's change, but instead Matt pulled out a certain crumpled up piece of paper.

The book.


	4. Secrets, Feelings, and more Pain

*****While typing this, I realized how much it sucked…great…I am also really happy now…so this is NOT the right Fic to be updating...*****

Adam Lambert woke up the next morning feeling quite crappy. The night before had been a DISASTER. Matt found the book, which was one of Adam's worst fears. The flashback played in his head.

"'_Loving someone that you know will never love you back is hard. The haunting fact that in a few days, you'll have to leave that person forever just…hurts.'__ Dude, what the hell is this? I want my five bucks!"_

"_Um, uh…it's a…fan letter…and now you whined like a baby, so I don't owe you five bucks!"_

Adam sighed. He really wasn't all that good at the lying thing… Adam sat down on his bed and grabbed a pen. He took the book out of his jeans pocket, and started writing again.

"_Keeping the secret is hard. You have to live with the constant worry that someone, or maybe everyone, knows or is going to find out. You have to work_

_at keeping suspicion low. I myself am guilty of doing stupid, obvious things that go against my longing to keep the secret intact. You always have to worry_

_ about if you are being obvious about the way you feel. In some situations, lying is necessary. And believe me, it's hard… _

_Bottling up your feelings isn't a good thing, but it's probably your only choice. In your head, one thought burns itself into your mind. It all has to come_

_ out, eventually… Certain things help to keep you from wanting it all to just be over, buy only temporarily and usually they don't work excellently. Writing_

_ helps to settle the mind, but no amount of words can permanently cure you. Crying is a way to silently release emotions, but it is very easy to reach a_

_ point where crying is helpless. You could also spend time with other people to try to get your mind off things, but no matter what you do, thoughts keep_

_ coming back to you. _

_No matter what you try, everything still hurts. You can physically ache, and your heart becomes deadweight in your chest. In addition, unendingly,_

_ everything just hurts. The pain is not a joke, myth, or exaggeration. At all. Its haunts me in everyday life, as well as my dreams. And oh yes, it sucks_

_ pretty badly."_

*****Short chapter, I understand. But the next one is a lot longer!*** **


	5. Life is Crap

*****I am officially shortening this Fic. It was going to be a lot longer, but I really just want to get to the sequel. This isn't the end, but don't expect TONS more.*****

Allison Iraheta threw open the doors to Adam's closet. He had stolen her FRED shirt…again…and she certainly wasn't happy about it.

The first time, it was actually kinda funny. The second time, tolerable. By the third time, it got old, the fourth time, she wanted to rip his hair out. Now…well, you get the idea…

She started rummaging around until she found it, on the floor and, of course, wrinkled. Allison snatched it up, and to get even, she grabbed Adam's favorite pair of skinny jeans. She was just about to storm out when something crackled under her feet. It was a piece of paper.

Being as curious as she was, she picked it up, unfolded it, and starting reading.

_The Book_

_By Adam Lambert_

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"_Where in hell could I have put that damn piece of paper?!"_

Adam was furious. He had LOST the book! His closet was empty, his bed covered in clothes and shoes. Adam had been looking for that stupid book for hours…Facts pierced his mind.

"_Someone might have it."_

"_Someone might know."_

Then, the one that hurt the most surfaced.

"_Kris might know."_

Adam threw himself against the couch. After a few useless minutes of worrying, a single tear slipped down his face, and he silently drifted off to sleep.

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Allison sat on her bed. It just didn't make sense, but it had to. She read the words yet again.

"_I am in love with Kris Allen."_

It finally sunk in. Adam was in love with Kris. It was both unbelievable and painful.

"_Adam is in love with Kris,"_ Allison repeated to herself. "Adam is in love with Kris…not me." She said this time out loud.

Allison said something else, too.

"Life is crap."

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Adam woke to a tear stained face, and a mess of eyeliner on his face.

He didn't know who, if anyone had the book, but he felt exposed. Like everything was coming to an end. And it was. There was only a few days left in the tour. Adam couldn't find himself to believe that he would have to let everything go. He had to let Kris go… Adam turned over. His body ached from the pain, and his hear was worse.

Then, he sobbed himself back to sleep.

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Allison was reading the book again when Lil walked into the girls bus.

"Now where did I put my makeup bag?" Lil said to herself.

Allison decided to say something about the book.

"Hey, Lil? Do you have a sec?"

"Yeah, but only 'till I find my makeup bag! Where is that thing?"

Allison decided to be blunt.

"Has Adam been acting weird lately to you?"

"Uh…he seemed kinda jumpy when Matt found that 'fan letter'…I bet he's writing a romance novel…"

"Fan letter?"

"Yeah, something about loving someone that won't love you back…Here it is!"

Allison concluded that the 'fan letter' was the book.

"Yep, it's mine…Sorry, Allie! I gotta go!"

Lil left the bus, leaving Allison to lie back down on her bed.

"Life really is crap…," she said.

Allison realized what she had to do to make sure that things were straightened out before the tour ended.


End file.
